"MOMMY, I HEART"

Patrick Jr. is always telling me "I driver man," "I running man," "I number one!"  "I" this or "I" that and nothing out of the ordinary for a 2 year old.  On the way home today, I heard him say, "Mommy, I heart."  When I looked in the back seat, he had his little boy hands shaped like a heart, over his face and said again, "Mommy, I heart."  We always talk about Charlotte living in our hearts and when I said, "Like you are in mine.  Is Charlotte in yours?" ...and in his little boy voice, said "uh-huh."  Praise Jesus for these heaven-sent moments.

LOST IN TRANSLATION

It happened again, but this time I was at the park leaving a group play date.  I happened to walk out behind a friend of a friend whose question didn't necessarily catch me off guard but it left me at a loss for words.  

Not having had face time on the playground with this new friend, I didn't have the opportunity to share that I had another baby, not just Patrick.  So when she asked while we were loading kiddos in cars, I realized that not every time is the right time.  

I am best when I have a few minutes to explain CHARLOTTE.  She's not just my daughter who is in heaven.  She's so much more and in an effort to serve her, I sometimes discriminate against situations.  Had we backed up just a few minutes prior and found ourselves in the same position, I would have LOVED to share.  Rather we were hurried, trying to beat the clock before kids melted down.  Dirty diapers, tollway traffic and a hunger meltdown doesn't necessarily equal a "good time" for me to introduce my darling Charlotte into my new friend's world.  Just as soon as I would have said that Char has since passed away, I would have had to say "later."  I guess to some that's okay, but to me I feel like I'm doing her a disservice.  To me, there is so much more to her life than a quick few sentences before speeding off in my car leaving a trail of dust...and no explanation of Charlotte's incredible life. 

Other parents who have lost children may disagree but to me - right now - I understand Charlotte's life as too precious to not get to explain her, if even for 3 minutes.  So when I found myself in this situation, I chose otherwise.  But even one time, is one time too many not being able to share with the world the wonderful who is my daughter Charlotte.

BROTHER LOVE

 Nothing warms my heart more than seeing P remember Charlotte in his own way.  He absolutely loves to water her tree.  In part, I'm sure it's due to the fact that there's a hose, with water coming out of it, but when he asks to water Char's tree, I happily oblige. 

FLITTER, FLITTER, FLY

Charlotte's incredible spirit made itself known yet once again, and this time in Stillwater, OK.  Home of Mommy's alma mater and nearly 60,000 fans during the OSU vs TX game last Saturday night.  One of my dear childhood girlfriends noticed a butterfly fluttering in front of her, despite the chaos which was that of the game all around.  It was when it kept hovering around her that she texted me and asked, "I mean who sees a butterfly on the 50 yard line of T. Boone Pickens stadium?"  My thoughts exactly.  

I SEE HEARTS

I see them everywhere.  Quite possibly I'm the only one who can make out the sometimes faint shape of a heart, but nonetheless I see it.  Take for instance Sunday night at the Rangers game.  As the sun was setting, I looked up and saw a heart in the clouds and felt the love of my Charlotte.  And as I went to upload Sunday night's picture, I saw this one of Patrick on his first day of school not long ago.  Our wreath is usually fluffed out in all of its round glory but its new shape caught my attention.  These and many others are pieces of happiness...they are pieces of her.