Charlotte should have been with us at the beach this summer. We had planned on taking her after my favorite Nurse Practitioner had asked why we thought we couldn't take her. I remember that day, that conversation so clearly. I was warm in the cold, dark radiology room. It was so liberating to know that we could do and see all things with Charlotte. Our baby would get to experience life.
Despite her not being with us physically, she was very present...in our hearts and even making herself known in the sand! I saw a few families with a big brother toddler and a baby sister and longed for the 'what it could have been' but remember that our reality is for a reason. I may not understand that reason but I do trust, so that's what I lean on, even in heavier moments. I remember watching her initials being washed away during high tide on the first night there. Just as quickly as I wrote them, they were gone. Kind of similar to her short life, but unlike her initials in the sand, she lives on.