WEANING

Today's main goal is weaning Miss Charlotte from ecmo, or as I call it "the blood machine."  Her body has had a good day and night of rest and we're hoping that her kidneys only continue to function well as she is slowly weaned.  The goal to be off ecmo is tomorrow afternoon.  Our PRAYERS are for a smooth transition as well as for the obvious: that Sweet Charlotte's body got the rest that it needed while on ecmo.  

Her swelling has reduced a lot overnight.  A huge praise!!  She is still swollen in her face and neck but it has started to lessen around her eyes and nose at least.  Makes Mommy happy for her.  Granted, she's on a lot of happy medicine, so she shouldn't feel anything but nonetheless.  It's like what brushed hair and a clean face on your toddler will do for a mother, right? 

She's currently getting her head ultrasound to check on the bleeding.  Again, we PRAY that it hasn't gotten worse.  We are waiting for the 72 hour infection results.  PRAY for another negative result.  She will have a vascular ultrasound on her abdomen due to something found on a previous one.  It may be a cluster of blood vessels or just one that had been poked and is angry, but it needs to be looked at.  We PRAY that it doesn't need attention, regardless of what it is!  

We've enjoyed the past 24 hours of 'quiet.'  Charlotte is doing what she is supposed to and this not only makes me proud of her but also relaxed.  We continue to pray for God's healing touch and for the doctors' wisdom as they care for our precious one today on her 10 day birthday as well as for the days to come.

BECOMING BRAVE

The tide is turning.  And we're not sure which direction it's headed.  Life seemed to be more sure of itself last week when Dr. Weiss seemed confident that I could make the February 14th (39 week) goal date.  Although after today's visit, there is a 50/50 chance that our sweet one will be delivered on Friday.

Her amnio level has decreased again, and the umbilical cord blood flow is officially in the cause for concern area.  This is the level it was when I was admitted to the hospital many moons ago, PS.  The good news is that heart tracing on the non-stress test was great and her activity level has been normal, so it balances out the 'bad,' I suppose.  Perhaps enough to send me home until Friday's routine sono, but we will have to wait and see if it's good enough to continue further.  If she continues to trend downward then she will be delivered Friday morning, no questions asked.  Dr. Weiss, who echos the group consensus, says if she does need to be delivered, he is not concerned that I would be 38 weeks along.  Remember if the risk is too great for her to stay put, then she needs to be delivered for a more optimum environment for survival...so the "fear" of an earlier delivery is truly non-existent for me.  Isn't it nice when you remember that God is control and you aren't?  We don't have to make these tough decisions.  We just have to be brave as we trust in our Heavenly Father's perfect plan.

Pray specifically that God grants Dr. Weiss with the wisdom and confidence necessary in making the decision of delivery.  And if I'm headed for surgery, we pray that our team of doctors have steady hands and strong minds as they handle our baby.  We pray for her lungs to be strong and developed, for her heart to be in tip top shape and for delivery to be smooth.  We pray that her will to survive be great and her pain and suffering be minimal.  Please pray for God's grace to continue to fill us with peace and the strength needed to walk this incredibly difficult walk, one which I never dreamed to be living.  Please pray that as a mother, I am able to minister to my daughter in ways that she will feel my presence when I'm not even allowed to hold her.  And selfishly I pray that my epidural is as painless as it was the first time around when I had Patrick, as well as for my surgery and recovery both to be without complication yet swift so that my focus may remain on my precious baby.  As always, thank you for your constant prayers and support.  

The Lord will perfect that which concerns me; Your mercy and loving-kindness, O Lord, endure forever - forsake not the works of Your own hands.  

Psalm 138:8

SHARE THE NEWS

Tuesdays and Fridays are bittersweet.  On one hand, I love the limited freedom I'm granted in the outside world as I make the trek to Medical City Hospital.  I almost feel like a real girl again.  But on the other, I am fearful of what could be.  Despite knowing that God's perfectly made plan is firmly in place, the unknown can be a little daunting at times.  

Fortunately, today was nothing but cupcakes and roses.  Dr. Weiss bee-bopped into the room and shortly later shared the good news that Little Miss is looking fine.  Her stats are good: heart rate, blood flow and amnio fluid (9.66).  We even got a candid of her which, like Patrick's, is hard to make out!  All in all, things are holding steady and our baby may just make it until February 14 thanks to our good God.

For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

Matthew 6:21

STATE OF THE UNION

Our little over-achiever is holding her own!  I'm happy to report that her stats have improved - much to this Mommy's surprise.  And our new goal date is back to the old one at 39 weeks.  Plus, today was marked with more happiness when her measurements were taken.  She's popped back up to her growth trend and is also weighing in at just over 5 lbs.  With a little bit of luck, she'll be in the 6's when she's born!  Sometimes when you least expect good news, God reminds us that He's in control...always.

"The big miracles we're waiting on are happening right in front of us, at every moment, with every breath.  Open your eyes and heart and you'll begin to see them." - Oprah

SILVER LINING

Looks like I'm staying put for another few days...

Baby's sonogram showed that her amnio fluid dropped to 6.75 - from 10.55 - but it is still 'good enough' to be at home and not threatening.  The umbilical cord blood flow has fluctuated too but is still within the acceptable range.  And her non stress test showed us that she is still a happy girl.  We expect there to be fluctuation with the amnio level so it's not necessarily as discouraging as it may sound.  It's not great news, but it's certainly not the worst either.  Remind yourself that this is a different ball game we're playing, so for a healthy baby, it may mean something more drastic, but right now to my baby, it means holding out for a little while longer.  

My sincere hope is that it increases by our next visit, as has her growth.  Dr. Weiss will take her measurements next week so a specific prayer is that she has grown.  It's a bad sign if she is not growing or hasn't grown much.  That would be reason for 'something' to happen, a change to be made in our current plan.  Though the silver lining in today's numbers is that I'm home and we know if I'm home, it means that she is doing well enough to warrant it.  PRAISE HIM.

As I once said, it is by God's grace that we wait with peaceful hearts.  So even if this decrease turns into a trend, we know that it is God's plan and He will lead us through.  As I like to think, it's just HIS way of showing everyone the miracles which only HE can work.  And once she is healed, we will be in awe of her powerful recovery because it is truly by the Hand of God.

For nothing is impossible with GOD.

Luke 1:37

DAYS OF LEISURE

It looks like my days of leisure-wear are going to continue!  At this morning's sono, Baby Girl looked GOOD and since she has been released to home bed rest, it seems as though I am too!!  Her fluid has decreased slightly to 7.19 which is not concerning.  An arm or leg shift, could hide or reveal fluid, so the measurement today is considered to be about where it was last Friday.  

Another HUGE PRAISE is that the blood flow from the umbilical cord is GOOD.  This alone is reason enough to send me home...or to the hospital to deliver her.  And the best news is that her heart rate sounded "gorgeous."  I am so proud of how well she follows directions...

And on another note, my home confinement does a body good because thanks to my OWN bed, my sweet self is feeling more like myself! :)  We all know that a happy Sarah makes for a happy house, so life is good.

I am SO relieved that we have made it another few days with Sweet Baby still on the inside.  We pray for much more of the same results as we've had over the past week...and that she has a few more weeks to GROW, GROW, GROW.

Then be glad and rejoice forever in what I am creating.

Isaiah 65:18

DAY 5: GOLD STAR

I am the proud recipient of a gold star which I got because of Baby Girl's good behavior.  (She must have learned from me!)  When we had the sono, the good news was shared that her amniotic fluid had INCREASED again to a 9.39!  And this time, all on it's own.  I'm sure bed rest has had a tiny something to do with it, but I'm encouraged as it was without IV fluids.  What a true gift for us on this very special day.

Our little sweetheart even showed off some of her southern charm as she had her ankles crossed.  Naturally I was proud of her ladylike ways but knowing that it's an indication as to good muscle tone, I was even happier.  She is still a busy body like her Mommy and must be picking up my slack, as she is moving double time in there.  Fine by me.

The sonograms will now happen each Tuesday and Friday.  I'm on a new schedule.  Fortunately for reporting sake, I will have them between 7 and 730 am, so we will hopefully kick off our days with good news.  

Even more good news is that although we see her cardiologist everyday, it's only for 'social purposes' as I like to say.  I won't have another echo until the week after next, since the baby is showing no sign of distress and her heart continues to look great (no changes) on the sonos.  

It's moments like these which make up my day and remind me that God is speaking.  I just need to be patient and listen.

He has made everything beautiful in its time.

Ecclesiastes 3:11

DAY 4: WAITING

I've always considered myself to be more of an impatient person than not.  Don't get me wrong, I have plenty of patience, but let's just say that I could always learn to have more!  Thanks to our situation and all that is offers, I am certainly perfecting the art of patience.  From the very beginning of this pregnancy, we've had to wait for test results, markers to be met or just for our sweet little one to grow.  And, now, waiting has turned into a full-time job.  But thanks to God's grace, I have never been more patient when it comes to this baby.  Other things, not so much, but when it comes to her I wait with a peaceful heart.

I've met with my OB and the baby's cardiologist today.  Things are good.  They more or less come by to say hi at this point.  The good news is that Baby Girl's non-stress tests continue to be the bright spots of each day, as she is showing no signs of distress in there.  As for my "Thursday sonogram," more waiting.  Dr. Weiss is out of town and the on-call doctor hasn't come yet.  

To help pass the time yesterday, Howie the therapy dog stopped by my room.  Little Patrick was here and LOVED showing off his 'gentle petting skills' which made this Mommy proud.  I'm glad that I got to touch a furry friend because I certainly miss mine.  Thank goodness for FaceTime.  

Over the past couple of days, I have been reminded of the goodness that God is capable of through friends and family like each of you.   Thank you for your continued prayers - I am humbled that you pray for our family each day as God brings us to your mind.  Thank you for encouraging us through what HE is telling you.  It's always just what we need to hear.

Be still and know that I am God.

Psalm 46:10

NO NEW NEWS

In terms of Baby's development, there is no new news!!  PRAISE THE LORD.  We had a sonogram today at 21 weeks and she is looking good, according to Dr. Weiss, our maternal fetal medicine specialist.  Her measurements were normal as was her beautiful-sounding heartbeat and organ development (besides her heart.)  She is the size of a carrot this week and I feel her poking around inside all the time.  Perhaps from habit, I find myself looking down as if to see the faint imprint of a foot.  Soon enough, I'm sure.  

Her heart looked the same.  We'll get a better, more detailed look on Monday when we have an echo-cardiogram done.  We'll also hopefully get to understand a bit more about her anatomy specifically.  I look forward to this so that we can pray specifically for small miracles in its development.  

We truly feel carried by your prayers and have since we've shared our news.  It's by God's grace that we are so at peace.  God's plan is a good one, despite it being a little different than what we may have "planned" for ourselves.  Trusting in Him gives me peace knowing that I don't have to play event planner, because He already is.  In retrospect, I realize that although I truly believed God was in control of my life, that I had "let go and let Him" take the reigns, that I hadn't quite.  It was when I walked through darkness and truly surrendered, that I had finally let go.  And what a liberating feeling it really is.  Liberating in the sense that no matter how much pain I may suffer, there is always hope.  There is always peace.  There is always God.