Tuesday, January 31, 2012


The tide is turning.  And we're not sure which direction it's headed.  Life seemed to be more sure of itself last week when Dr. Weiss seemed confident that I could make the February 14th (39 week) goal date.  Although after today's visit, there is a 50/50 chance that our sweet one will be delivered on Friday.

Her amnio level has decreased again, and the umbilical cord blood flow is officially in the cause for concern area.  This is the level it was when I was admitted to the hospital many moons ago, PS.  The good news is that heart tracing on the non-stress test was great and her activity level has been normal, so it balances out the 'bad,' I suppose.  Perhaps enough to send me home until Friday's routine sono, but we will have to wait and see if it's good enough to continue further.  If she continues to trend downward then she will be delivered Friday morning, no questions asked.  Dr. Weiss, who echos the group consensus, says if she does need to be delivered, he is not concerned that I would be 38 weeks along.  Remember if the risk is too great for her to stay put, then she needs to be delivered for a more optimum environment for survival...so the "fear" of an earlier delivery is truly non-existent for me.  Isn't it nice when you remember that God is control and you aren't?  We don't have to make these tough decisions.  We just have to be brave as we trust in our Heavenly Father's perfect plan.

Pray specifically that God grants Dr. Weiss with the wisdom and confidence necessary in making the decision of delivery.  And if I'm headed for surgery, we pray that our team of doctors have steady hands and strong minds as they handle our baby.  We pray for her lungs to be strong and developed, for her heart to be in tip top shape and for delivery to be smooth.  We pray that her will to survive be great and her pain and suffering be minimal.  Please pray for God's grace to continue to fill us with peace and the strength needed to walk this incredibly difficult walk, one which I never dreamed to be living.  Please pray that as a mother, I am able to minister to my daughter in ways that she will feel my presence when I'm not even allowed to hold her.  And selfishly I pray that my epidural is as painless as it was the first time around when I had Patrick, as well as for my surgery and recovery both to be without complication yet swift so that my focus may remain on my precious baby.  As always, thank you for your constant prayers and support.  

The Lord will perfect that which concerns me; Your mercy and loving-kindness, O Lord, endure forever - forsake not the works of Your own hands.  

Psalm 138:8

Friday, January 27, 2012


Tuesdays and Fridays are bittersweet.  On one hand, I love the limited freedom I'm granted in the outside world as I make the trek to Medical City Hospital.  I almost feel like a real girl again.  But on the other, I am fearful of what could be.  Despite knowing that God's perfectly made plan is firmly in place, the unknown can be a little daunting at times.  

Fortunately, today was nothing but cupcakes and roses.  Dr. Weiss bee-bopped into the room and shortly later shared the good news that Little Miss is looking fine.  Her stats are good: heart rate, blood flow and amnio fluid (9.66).  We even got a candid of her which, like Patrick's, is hard to make out!  All in all, things are holding steady and our baby may just make it until February 14 thanks to our good God.

For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

Matthew 6:21

Tuesday, January 24, 2012


Our little over-achiever is holding her own!  I'm happy to report that her stats have improved - much to this Mommy's surprise.  And our new goal date is back to the old one at 39 weeks.  Plus, today was marked with more happiness when her measurements were taken.  She's popped back up to her growth trend and is also weighing in at just over 5 lbs.  With a little bit of luck, she'll be in the 6's when she's born!  Sometimes when you least expect good news, God reminds us that He's in control...always.

"The big miracles we're waiting on are happening right in front of us, at every moment, with every breath.  Open your eyes and heart and you'll begin to see them." - Oprah

Monday, January 23, 2012


Here is a great prayer, especially for those of us who are feeling anxious lately...

Holy Father, we ask that you put your healing hands over us as we go through the scary road of the unknown.  We ask that you bring wisdom to the doctors in charge of both my and the baby's care.  Above all, most merciful and loving Jesus, protect our baby from all harm, bestowing upon her the health and vigor every baby needs.  We pray that you release our anxiety and worry throughout this ordeal.  May your healing love bring endurance to us to face this challenge with grace and optimism.  In Your Holy Name, we pray.  Amen.

Friday, January 20, 2012


Looks like I'm staying put for another few days...

Baby's sonogram showed that her amnio fluid dropped to 6.75 - from 10.55 - but it is still 'good enough' to be at home and not threatening.  The umbilical cord blood flow has fluctuated too but is still within the acceptable range.  And her non stress test showed us that she is still a happy girl.  We expect there to be fluctuation with the amnio level so it's not necessarily as discouraging as it may sound.  It's not great news, but it's certainly not the worst either.  Remind yourself that this is a different ball game we're playing, so for a healthy baby, it may mean something more drastic, but right now to my baby, it means holding out for a little while longer.  

My sincere hope is that it increases by our next visit, as has her growth.  Dr. Weiss will take her measurements next week so a specific prayer is that she has grown.  It's a bad sign if she is not growing or hasn't grown much.  That would be reason for 'something' to happen, a change to be made in our current plan.  Though the silver lining in today's numbers is that I'm home and we know if I'm home, it means that she is doing well enough to warrant it.  PRAISE HIM.

As I once said, it is by God's grace that we wait with peaceful hearts.  So even if this decrease turns into a trend, we know that it is God's plan and He will lead us through.  As I like to think, it's just HIS way of showing everyone the miracles which only HE can work.  And once she is healed, we will be in awe of her powerful recovery because it is truly by the Hand of God.

For nothing is impossible with GOD.

Luke 1:37

Wednesday, January 18, 2012


Staying put is harder than it seems!  It's my natural instinct to "get up and do," especially when it comes to my baby.  Fortunately, our mothers have come to my rescue and, although I like to take care of them too, there's something about a mom's way that can persuade just about anyone.  Thank you to both of our mothers for making this transition as smooth as it's been.  We know it's been a labor of love.

Here is the finished product from our bake shop earlier this week.  And not only are they super precious but they are quite yummy, as in seriously delicious. 

As a mother comforts her child,
so will I comfort you

Isaiah 66:13

Tuesday, January 17, 2012


Looks like someone has been behaving...and it's me!  Baby Girl is looking GREAT.  After visiting with the menagerie of doctors this morning, she has cleared yet another checkpoint with our next one being on Friday.  Plans can be made.  We can relax a bit.  Life is good.

Her amniotic fluid level is 10.55, an INCREASE from last Friday's.  Although fabulous news, it is expected to fluctuate, so this may be at the peak point vs the other reported levels.  Nonetheless, she is RESPONDING to bed rest so we will keep on this track.  Too, the umbilical cord blood flow is within the acceptable range - praise Jesus!  With these two 'importants' and her steady heart rate tests, it seems as though she will sit tight for a little while longer.  

There does seem to be one area where we aren't performing though: a name!  Although Patrick did mention today that we should start talking about it soon.  :)

You will fill me with joy in Your presence...
Psalm 16:11

Monday, January 16, 2012


Here I sit...at home on bed rest.  It's just the way I like it.  And I hope that after tomorrow's sonogram, I will be back to sit some more.  I've crossed over to 35 weeks and we hope that little miss continues to be content with life 'on the inside.'  To help ward off readmission, my bags are packed and ready to go.  It's actually pretty convenient considering my leisure wear collection is on about a week's rotation. 

Today has turned out to be one of my favorite at home bed rest days.  In anticipation of the baby's arrival, my MIL and I opened a mini bakery as "we" made cookies to package for the nurses.  Fortunately, she loves to bake and I love to ice so it's a perfect combination.  Just like my baby love "monogrammed" cookies.  Plus, she did all the work as I watched from my chair and later, I got to ice them.  (I could get used to this arrangement!) Grandma also made a few "just for Patrick" cookies which he very proudly iced himself.  However he wrestled with actually icing the cookie versus eating the good stuff right away! Decisions, decisions.  

Until tomorrow...

Saturday, January 14, 2012


My sweet Patrick is very excited about "the new baby."  He will proudly show off his own stomach by lifting up his shirt while parading around.  Watch out, because if he's in the mood, he'll scout out friends and family's bellies too!  

When I was admitted to the hospital, he would run to the door and call out, "baby.  babies.  baby?"  It was really the sweetest thing to hear.  So of course, Daddy or Mimi would walk him down to the nursery to see the babies.  Sometimes if one was crying, the nurse would 'comfort' Patrick through the nursery window as she said "it's okay.  the baby is okay."  During my one-time wheelchair "joyride," I chose the nursery route so as to witness my baby visit the other babies and it warmed my heart.  And, someday soon, we'll be taking him to meet his very own baby - his new sister.

Friday, January 13, 2012


It looks like my days of leisure-wear are going to continue!  At this morning's sono, Baby Girl looked GOOD and since she has been released to home bed rest, it seems as though I am too!!  Her fluid has decreased slightly to 7.19 which is not concerning.  An arm or leg shift, could hide or reveal fluid, so the measurement today is considered to be about where it was last Friday.  

Another HUGE PRAISE is that the blood flow from the umbilical cord is GOOD.  This alone is reason enough to send me home...or to the hospital to deliver her.  And the best news is that her heart rate sounded "gorgeous."  I am so proud of how well she follows directions...

And on another note, my home confinement does a body good because thanks to my OWN bed, my sweet self is feeling more like myself! :)  We all know that a happy Sarah makes for a happy house, so life is good.

I am SO relieved that we have made it another few days with Sweet Baby still on the inside.  We pray for much more of the same results as we've had over the past week...and that she has a few more weeks to GROW, GROW, GROW.

Then be glad and rejoice forever in what I am creating.

Isaiah 65:18

Thursday, January 12, 2012


Since I have taken to wearing lounge wear daily and propping up my feet, the grandmothers have swooped in to run mi casa.  This is great for a number of obvious reasons, but the fact that my first born is having the time of his life with them, makes me happy.  Periodically, he flies over to say hi to me between play times, 'nacks and just plain busyness...if he is coaxed. :)  He is a VERY loving little boy and I can certainly say that he is glad that I am home, but he's also very happy for the company he's been keeping.

But You, God my Lord, deal kindly with me because of Your name; deliver me because of the goodness of Your faithful love.

Psalm 109:21

Wednesday, January 11, 2012


In terms of chronicling this journey, it has been 161 days since we found out that there was something wrong with our sweet baby girl, 15 days of bed rest, with 9 of those days being in the hospital...but who's counting?!  It doesn't seem fair to continue numbering my posts when we've made it through much, much more than just what would have been 10 days in the hospital today.

I know I mentioned that Dr. Oliver said it is not without prayer that our baby is doing so well.  I couldn't agree more.  Remember that when I was admitted to the hospital, I was told it was for the duration of my pregnancy, without a possibility of being released.  And I'm not sure if it was even expected for Baby Girl to be doing as well as she is today.  But because of the power of prayer, my baby is doing well and I have been released from the hospital.  It is through our faithful petitions to God that our prayers have been answered.  Let's all remember what He is capable of and give thanks as we continue to pray for the healing of my sweet baby.

Though you have not seen Him, you love Him; and though you do not see Him now, you believe in Him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy..."

1 Peter 1:8

Tuesday, January 10, 2012


Words can't describe how I feel right now!  I am currently sitting in my den with my dogs on either side of me as I type this post.  I've caught myself breathing in the familiar smells that are my house.  I can't help but smile.  

Still on strict bed rest, I am h-o-m-e home.  After this morning's sonogram, my doctors determined that the baby was jiving with bed rest enough to allow me to be at home.  Her amnio fluid level is now at an 8.2 but don't let the slight decrease scare you.  In medical terms, it's GOOD and CONSISTENT.  Also GOOD is the blood flow to baby via the umbilical cord.  Because of these two reasons, I am able to be here.  My assignment is still the same though: bed rest with bathroom privileges.  FINE BY ME.  

I still can't believe that I heard "How would you like to go home today?" come out of my doctor's mouth this morning.  At the very earliest, I thought it would perhaps be entertained after Friday's sono, although I wasn't holding out too much hope!  I have to tell you that as Dr. Oliver said, the power of prayer has a lot to do with the 'state of the union' of our sweet baby.  I couldn't agree more.  Because of all of you and for our countless conversations with God, my precious angel is holding steady...and enough for me to be home which is an added bonus.  

Driving home, I cried a little because to be truthful, I am a bit nervous.  Nervous because I hope that after having wished for this for 9 days, that I didn't just wish for a change, an environment that isn't good for my baby.  Obviously, that's just a mother's guilt type of thought process as we know my docs would not have sent me home otherwise, but I can't help but pray it's not the case.  

Dr. Oliver said that we really don't have a true "goal date" to get to, rather it's day by day until our sweet one declares that she is ready to be born.  Let's pray and have hope that she stays put for a few more weeks!  (I am 34 weeks.)  I will have twice weekly sonograms and regularly scheduled echo cardiograms.  I can't get too comfortable at home though, because if for some reason, Friday's (or any) sono shows that she is not doing at least as well as she is now, I will be readmitted to the hospital.  FINE BY ME.  I'd rather be readmitted on bed rest than have to deliver her early.

I wish that my heart could talk because it would say all the right words that I don't have now.  My baby is so blessed to have such an amazing group of people who love her so much.  Because of your prayers, your hope for us, your tears, she is carried.  We know that He is in the details and He makes everything beautiful in its time.  Thank you for never ceasing. 

But I have trusted in Your faithful love, my heart will rejoice in Your deliverance.

Psalm 13:5

Monday, January 9, 2012


Despite this gloomy day, my morning has been filled with bright spots.  Patrick and Little P arrived early, early with P sporting mismatched pajamas and toting a snack trap of Fruit Loops.  It was nice to feed P breakfast and help him get dressed before heading off to Mother's Day Out.  And although they left earlier than I would have liked, it warmed my heart as I heard the routine of P blowing kisses to the nurses who were lined up in the hallway to say goodbye.

Dr. Weiss and Dr. Oliver both stopped by and are pleased with Baby Girl.  Despite having heard a firm, "NO!" each time I asked if ever home bed rest would be considered if she progressed enough, there is light at the end of the tunnel.  Obviously the most important reason we are here is our sweet baby but as long as she continues to shine on the non stress tests and stays consistent with each sonogram, then I MAY get to be released on bed rest at HOME.  PRAISE JESUS!!!  Just knowing that it's now a possibility makes all the difference in the world!  We pray for these things...the continued top of the line care for our little one whether in hospital or at home, progress and/or consistency regarding her amniotic fluid level and blood flow from the placenta to the baby, and for God to continue to bless us with His grace.

I continue to be overwhelmed by the true kindness of our family and friends.  It is not without suffering that we walk this journey, but through it, we see the goodness that is God through all of you.  Thank you for your cards, texts, care packages, visits and prayers.  They truly carry me.

For with God nothing shall be impossible.

Luke 1:37

Sunday, January 8, 2012


Sundays are usually pretty busy for us.  Our day is tied up until usually after P's nap in the afternoon.  And only then do we have a precious few hours before dinner, bath and bedtime, so I'm used to making the most of our time. That's why the visits with my baby and Patrick Sr. lately have been squeezed dry.  I try to soak up all that is my family and mold it into our new routine.  It's not necessarily bad - just really different.

My body aches.  I feel like I have aged substantially in just a week.  It's hard to believe that I've done nothing more than sit and I now creak around because of it.  Princess has hip and knee problems which because of she walks with a slight limp, other days more than some.  And now I can relate!  The physical therapist paid me a visit a couple of days ago and taught me some upper and lower body exercises, with some crossed out because they were too strenuous.  That's a real blow.  I would LOVE to exercise right now.  I've never been "much of" a runner - ha, ha - but suddenly I have a newfound urge to train for a marathon.  I don't even have to actually run it - just train!

The hospital nutritionist also came by and we talked about 'good food choices.'  Mmm-hmm.  I would rather pass on the choices, thank you.

Other than that, Baby is being well-behaved...and I guess I am too!

But He gives greater grace...
James 4:6

Saturday, January 7, 2012


I've always had hope although some days it may have gotten buried temporarily.  This past week has been a hard one emotionally and even physically because believe it or not, sitting is hard work!  But the one thing that has been constant is hope.  Thanks to my faith, family and friends, I've been wrapped in it.  

Yesterday was no different.  My priest paid me a visit and although I felt unworthy since there are many other people who probably needed a visit from him more than me, it certainly made my "hope tank" overflow.  As I saw Father Michael peak around my door, I was immediately at peace.  He has a way about him. :)  Plus, I received a special sacrament in the Catholic faith - Anointing of the Sick.  

The baby did well yet again during the non stress tests.  She seems to be quite content in there.  I forgot to mention that she has some hair!  I am excited to see if it will be dark like big brother Patrick's was at first...or blonde, taking after Daddy right away.  

Yesterday also felt more like I was holed up in a hotel room with my best friends during a girls weekend thanks to having my girls with me all day.  There's something about the smell of nail polish that makes a girl happy, right?  And a special mention to my best friend Christy who came all the way from OK to help me forget where I am.  And I kind of did when I woke up this morning with her on my couch!  I may just start calling my hospital room a hotel room.  That's more digestible.

As hard as this journey is, I know that God's grace will be sufficient for me.  I know that even when I may feel like I am alone, He is with me.  His love for me and for this precious baby is more than I will ever know.  I know that through prayer, my hope tank will always be full.  

But as for me, I trust in You, O Lord, I say, "You are my God." My times are in Your hands...

Psalm 31: 14-15

Friday, January 6, 2012


I am the proud recipient of a gold star which I got because of Baby Girl's good behavior.  (She must have learned from me!)  When we had the sono, the good news was shared that her amniotic fluid had INCREASED again to a 9.39!  And this time, all on it's own.  I'm sure bed rest has had a tiny something to do with it, but I'm encouraged as it was without IV fluids.  What a true gift for us on this very special day.

Our little sweetheart even showed off some of her southern charm as she had her ankles crossed.  Naturally I was proud of her ladylike ways but knowing that it's an indication as to good muscle tone, I was even happier.  She is still a busy body like her Mommy and must be picking up my slack, as she is moving double time in there.  Fine by me.

The sonograms will now happen each Tuesday and Friday.  I'm on a new schedule.  Fortunately for reporting sake, I will have them between 7 and 730 am, so we will hopefully kick off our days with good news.  

Even more good news is that although we see her cardiologist everyday, it's only for 'social purposes' as I like to say.  I won't have another echo until the week after next, since the baby is showing no sign of distress and her heart continues to look great (no changes) on the sonos.  

It's moments like these which make up my day and remind me that God is speaking.  I just need to be patient and listen.

He has made everything beautiful in its time.

Ecclesiastes 3:11

Thursday, January 5, 2012


I've always considered myself to be more of an impatient person than not.  Don't get me wrong, I have plenty of patience, but let's just say that I could always learn to have more!  Thanks to our situation and all that is offers, I am certainly perfecting the art of patience.  From the very beginning of this pregnancy, we've had to wait for test results, markers to be met or just for our sweet little one to grow.  And, now, waiting has turned into a full-time job.  But thanks to God's grace, I have never been more patient when it comes to this baby.  Other things, not so much, but when it comes to her I wait with a peaceful heart.

I've met with my OB and the baby's cardiologist today.  Things are good.  They more or less come by to say hi at this point.  The good news is that Baby Girl's non-stress tests continue to be the bright spots of each day, as she is showing no signs of distress in there.  As for my "Thursday sonogram," more waiting.  Dr. Weiss is out of town and the on-call doctor hasn't come yet.  

To help pass the time yesterday, Howie the therapy dog stopped by my room.  Little Patrick was here and LOVED showing off his 'gentle petting skills' which made this Mommy proud.  I'm glad that I got to touch a furry friend because I certainly miss mine.  Thank goodness for FaceTime.  

Over the past couple of days, I have been reminded of the goodness that God is capable of through friends and family like each of you.   Thank you for your continued prayers - I am humbled that you pray for our family each day as God brings us to your mind.  Thank you for encouraging us through what HE is telling you.  It's always just what we need to hear.

Be still and know that I am God.

Psalm 46:10

Wednesday, January 4, 2012


As we shuffle along, it's hard when there seem to be no 'answers.'  There are, however, pieces of good news sprinkled throughout and one is that our sweet baby seems to be holding steady.  Her non stress tests continue to show that she is doing well, despite the low fluid.  As long as this is the norm, then she can stay put.  We will continue to pray that this is so.

Another bright spot is that my "IV therapy" is coming to a halt today!  For many reasons, I am thankful, and selfishly I am for the tiniest bit of freedom which I will regain.  Baby steps, I know but certainly worth being thankful.  

Tomorrow we will have another sono but for now, it's back to diligently resting.

An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up.

Proverbs 12:25   

Tuesday, January 3, 2012


I survived my first night being held captive on hospital bedrest.  Possibly being lost in the jungle would sound more appealing than being trapped in a hospital bed.  Although I do get to spice things up and sit on the couch every once in awhile which is an added bonus.

Bright and early this morning, I had a visit from Dr. Weiss (maternal fetal medicine specialist.)  I also had another sono to check on baby's fluid.  A huge praise is that the fluid had gone up to an 8.5 from 4.5 yesterday although I am still on IV hydration for awhile.  Since the baby is a "responder," I'm trying my best not to complain but go right ahead to assume what an INCONVENIENCE it is.  ahem.

Next on deck was a visit from my day nurse and a quick 30 minute listen to the baby's heart rate.  She sounds great.  My next test will be late afternoon.  These are important tests because they are the eyes and ears which judge how happy she is in there.  If she is under any stress at all, her heart rate will tell us and then action can be taken.  Because her fluid is still so low, it's not the most ideal situation for her in there but it's CERTAINLY better than be delivered now.

When Dr. Oliver (OB) came, he talked about my duration here being a day by day process with our punctuation days being Monday and Thursday when I have scheduled sonos.  Those will be the decision days provided baby continues to do well by passing her NST (non stress tests) twice daily.  If she shows any sign of distress during those tests, obviously I will have another sonogram to determine what is going on and asses the risk/make a decision on how to proceed.  It's still unknown what is causing the low fluid - most likely it's either her heart or placenta and if either get bad enough, she will make her debut.  However, right now she is going to sit tight in there and GROW.  We need her bigger, stronger and able to have surgery once she's born.

Thank you to everyone for your continued prayers and support.  

Monday, January 2, 2012


The good news is I got two new bracelets today.  The bad news is that they aren't Cartier, rather plastic admin wrist bands which were handed to me when I was admitted to the hospital.  I am officially on bed rest until our sweet baby is born.  Needless to say, this afternoon hasn't been an easy one. 

When my husband and I went to the sonogram today, I didn't expect to hear that the amniotic fluid level had dropped, let alone to the 4.5 level that it is now.  In my heart, I believed that it was simply a case of an over-active 8 month preggers mommy with a toddler at home.  Unfortunately, something bigger, something uglier is the culprit and has yet to show itself.  In our baby's case, this only increases the risk of her already high risk state.  It's a day by day process now and the goal is to keep me preggers as long as possible until the 37 week mark.  Our February 14th c-section date is now long gone.  37 is the magic number, despite it leaving me confined to a hospital bed. If the risk of her being in my belly becomes greater than the risk of her being delivered early (however unimaginable that may seem), then she will be delivered.  She's being closely monitored twice daily with non stress tests which monitor her heart rate and twice weekly sonos.  She's passed her now 3 non stress tests today and hopefully I can be taken off IV hydration soon.  

I'll be updating much more frequently now.  Hopefully with good news but if it's not, don't forget that God's plan is a perfect one.  He is in control and He is good.  I trust you, God.  I do.