It happened again, but this time I was at the park leaving a group play date. I happened to walk out behind a friend of a friend whose question didn't necessarily catch me off guard but it left me at a loss for words.
Not having had face time on the playground with this new friend, I didn't have the opportunity to share that I had another baby, not just Patrick. So when she asked while we were loading kiddos in cars, I realized that not every time is the right time.
I am best when I have a few minutes to explain CHARLOTTE. She's not just my daughter who is in heaven. She's so much more and in an effort to serve her, I sometimes discriminate against situations. Had we backed up just a few minutes prior and found ourselves in the same position, I would have LOVED to share. Rather we were hurried, trying to beat the clock before kids melted down. Dirty diapers, tollway traffic and a hunger meltdown doesn't necessarily equal a "good time" for me to introduce my darling Charlotte into my new friend's world. Just as soon as I would have said that Char has since passed away, I would have had to say "later." I guess to some that's okay, but to me I feel like I'm doing her a disservice. To me, there is so much more to her life than a quick few sentences before speeding off in my car leaving a trail of dust...and no explanation of Charlotte's incredible life.
Other parents who have lost children may disagree but to me - right now - I understand Charlotte's life as too precious to not get to explain her, if even for 3 minutes. So when I found myself in this situation, I chose otherwise. But even one time, is one time too many not being able to share with the world the wonderful who is my daughter Charlotte.