OUR HEART

Earlier this summer when our revised marker finally arrived, I was on point ready to "approve" and, later, taking in what seemed to be a heart shaped outline around it.  Look closely, it's there.  My girl is there.  

And just today, Little P and I paid a visit to Sparkman Hillcrest.  He had asked to "see Charlitte," so I obliged...with bubbles.  The wind whipped around carrying our bubbles far away and when we were done, the wind was too.  Funny how that happened.  P handpicked acorns from all over Lullaby Land to place on Char's marker to "make pretty."  Bless him.

SURF, SAND AND CHAR CHAR

Charlotte should have been with us at the beach this summer.  We had planned on taking her after my favorite Nurse Practitioner had asked why we thought we couldn't take her.  I remember that day, that conversation so clearly.  I was warm in the cold, dark radiology room.  It was so liberating to know that we could do and see all things with Charlotte.  Our baby would get to experience life. 

Despite her not being with us physically, she was very present...in our hearts and even making herself known in the sand!  I saw a few families with a big brother toddler and a baby sister and longed for the 'what it could have been' but remember that our reality is for a reason.  I may not understand that reason but I do trust, so that's what I lean on, even in heavier moments.  I remember watching her initials being washed away during high tide on the first night there.  Just as quickly as I wrote them, they were gone. Kind of similar to her short life, but unlike her initials in the sand, she lives on.

IN PRINT

Among the many talents which are my grandmother, she is an accomplished writer.  Recently, she shared her most recent piece, The Blessing of Charlotte, a poem written in honor of our sweet baby girl.  As I listened to her melodic voice read the words, I realized that it is a memory I'll always treasure.

THE BLESSING OF CHARLOTTE

What a beautiful child she was

Eyes so blue and hair so brown

With curling lashes and porcelain skin

And lips like rosebuds ready to sing

Who caused people to pray

Who had perhaps never prayed before

And wished for miracles everyday

Who cried real tears for one so young

Whose tiny life had just begun.

One thinks, perhaps, that's why 

The Lord kept her here that long

For the blessing of Charlotte

Will live on and on.

T.C.

 

YOU ARE MY SUNSHINE

 

the other night dear

when i lay sleeping

i dreamt i held you in my arms

when i awoke, dear

i was mistaken

so i hung my head and i cried

you are my sunshine 

my only sunshine

you make me happy when skies are gray

you'll never know dear 

how much i love you

please don't take my sunshine away

FLOWERING

Charlotte's garden is growing, especially her tree.  Take a look at all the "pretty" on it!  In true Charlotte style, overnight it went from a few traces of pink to an explosion...and there's still more to come.  I just wish that instead of a beautiful tree, I had my beautiful baby girl at home.   One day...

He is before all things and in Him all things hold together.

Colossians 1:17

BROTHERLY LOVE

Patrick and I had some time before a lunch date last week so we stopped by Sparkman Hillcrest to visit Charlotte.  He ran right over to her plot and said "hi, Char Char."  My sweet boy.  Of course he wasn't too into taking any photos but Mommy couldn't resist.  I love that he says "hi" and "I love you, Charlotte"... and knows right where her plot is.  

Likely, he'll grow up not remembering her as much while she was with us but rather the memory of her which we keep alive in our hearts.  I pray that his heart holds a love for his sister whom he never really knew, but whose incredible spirit feels like "home."  

HANDS AND FEET

When Patrick Jr. was born, Dr. Oliver exlaimed, "look at the size of his hands and feet!"  Looking back, I know that Charlotte was definitely ours because although she was tiny in the weight department, her hands and feet weren't.  I've mentioned it before, but her fingers and toes were long, just like her little feetsies.  After she passed away, molds were taken of her hand and foot for us to keep, but as I look at them now, they look...so...small.  And those fingers and toes, not so long.  But that's to be put in perspective as she wasn't even 6 lbs and had had 2 major heart surgeries amongst countless others.  Quite an incredible spirit.  I'm glad that we have these molds because I can run my fingers over them and know that is her.  She left her mark for us, in more ways than one.  Remember that saying "lead by example?"  Well, I think she did.  I'm trying to follow in her mighty footsteps, one baby step at a time.