CHARLOTTE THE GREAT

On Mother's Day, we donated the last of Char's milk stock pile.  1004 ounces to be exact.  And very bittersweet.  It was my last bit of what was meant for my Sweet Girl and that made me sad but I was a "joyful sad" because I remembered all the good that is still coming out of Charlotte's life.  Because of her, the milk will go to potentially hundreds of babies thanks to how it is processed with other donors.  It will help many preemies in need have a better chance at life.  And that's something to smile about because our girl has done it again.  She really is something.

May the best of your todays, be the worst of your tomorrows.

Jay-Z

WON'T YOU COME MY WAY

I've never noticed butterflies until now.  I'm a pretty observant person as in I will tell you which earrings you wore with your last outfit, but I haven't noticed butterflies around me as much as I do lately.  Sometimes, one will linger in front of my stopped car at a stoplight while floating across the street.  It's as if it almost stops to stare at me.  

The little birdie in Charlotte's garden left my tree.  I think Bear may have scared her away.  But when I take walks in the neighborhood, would you believe me if I told you that one follows me from rooftop to rooftop for part of the way?  Not all - just a few houses - but it follows me and chirps the whole time.  Enough to make one stop and wonder if you're crazy or really seeing something wonderful?

Sometimes I wonder, is it Charlotte?  Is she smiling at me while nudging me in the right direction of "happy?"  And often I ask, "is it you Charlotte?"

I'm fully aware of how this sounds and before Charlotte I never would have published this thought to the world, but now it seems irrelevant because if my God is giving me little pieces, I'm going to take them and RUN.

People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.

1 Samuel 16:7

WEDNESDAY

To most, a Wednesday is like any other week day.  You get up and go about your normal routine whether it's tending to your flock or working away from home.  Yesterday morning - like so many others - Little P and I headed outside on a walk which stopped short, just 3 houses down.  It's a new build and P LOVES the cranes, mixers and dirt.  We must have stood there for 15 minutes when I made a phone call to Sparkman Hillcrest.  

Charlotte's death certificate had arrived and I made arrangements to pick it up.  To many, it would be a sad phone call or visit, but to me, it gave me peace - albeit with sadness - peace nonetheless.  Anything that has to do with Charlotte makes me happy.  I absolutely love talking about her, even if it's discussing the final verbiage option for her marker or picking up her certificate.  It makes me feel closer to her because I am still able to "do" for her.  I wonder though how I'll feel when all is said and done.  When life is still.  I suppose I'll just have to continue doing 'for her' forever because I know that not a day will pass that I don't think about her at least 999,999 times.

I am wading through our thank you list.  YOU have not been ignored, rather quite the opposite!  We continue to be deeply touched by the true outpouring of love and support from each of you.  Your donations to the Chloe Duyck Fund continue to show your dedication to Charlotte...and to us.  God gifts us with many things in life but the gift of your friendship is one of our most prized.  To say that we are thankful doesn't seem adequate but neither does saying that we 'love' Charlotte.  Because to us, Charlotte is our whole heart just as our appreciation for you abounds.  My heart is happy.  Thank you for loving Charlotte - it's the best. gift. ever.

Under HIS wings you will find refuge. 

Psalm 91:4

HEART HERO

Guess who's famous?  My sweet girl, that's who!  And this mommy is uber excited to announce that Miss Charlotte has a page dedicated to her on the Chloe Duyck Fund website.  With very special thanks to founder Michelle Duyck, Charlotte is being featured as a HEART HERO.  Gimmie some of that Sweet Charlotte!  

To make a donation which will honor Charlotte, Chloe and all heart babies, visit www.hope4tinyhearts.com.  Go to "Meet a Heart Hero" located on the header and you'll see Charlotte's page.  On it, is an easy to use donation button to place yours.  Remember all funds benefit the CHSU in the areas of awareness and lifesaving research which will one day hopefully save babies like Sweet Charlotte.  

As I've learned, grief comes in waves but it's not a perfect storm.  It teaches us about fear, loyalty and love, and reminds us that those we cling to will forever live in our hearts.  Your prayers and love for our dear Charlotte continue to give us peace.  Thank you for donating in honor of OUR GIRL.

CREAM FOR YOUR SUGAR

My little sugar had a STOCK PILE of milk saved in her deep freeze.  Remember that famous Valentine's Day present that Daddy bought her?  Well, it's full and we are donating it to a local milk bank.  It makes me happy - and sad - all in one breath.  Happy that preemies in need will have the cream of the crop but sad that my Sweet Charlotte won't be the recipient.  Sad because it's such a labor of love from me to her and soon, it's going away.  

Each day, I would pump every 3 - 4 hours.  A painstaking effort to arm her with the good stuff.  Some days it was harder because I wanted to be sitting right next to her, or holding her in my arms but instead had to retreat behind the curtain in her room to "excuse myself."  I always tried to time it when she was content or sleeping.  Sleeping was best, because I could relax in the hope that she would remain so. Although the last few weeks while she was in Room 9, she fussed if she didn't have my undivided attention.  So my girl! :)  The unit was familiar with Mommy's voice drifting through the air from behind the curtain as I soothed my Sweet Charlotte.  Much like a person without sight, Charlotte was in tune with my voice since we weren't able to have held each other for so long.  Actually, it was my prayer all along that I would be able to minister to her in ways that only He could provide.  And I was able to do so - which I constantly reminded myself - because it's the best gift that I could have received.  I could comfort her.

I kept an app on my phone to "chart" each pumping.  It charts ounces pumped over each day, week and month.  (I told you that I'm an honorary nurse!  So proud are they of my efforts.)  Out of curiosity, I figured out how much milk Sweet Charlotte had.  I just dropped off an impressive amount - 705.5 ounces - from the last couple weeks of February.  I have the month of March and early April to take next.  I'm hopeful that the good work done with the milk will honor Charlotte.

And I suppose that my "milk freeze" - aka deep freeze - will now turn into a meat freeze, given the meat and potatoes family that we are.  But maybe I'll keep one bag in there to keep the meat company.

XOXO

Look at this Little Lover!  

Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your strength.

Deuteronomy 6:5

HOW DOES YOUR GARDEN GROW?

Thanks to my very loving husband, Charlotte's tree has some friends.  We spent the better part of Sunday afternoon "making it pretty."  I tried my best to be a good hander of things, picker upper and even attempted to dig holes.  Have you tried to dig one?  It's hard.  He told me that he planted Charlotte's tree for her but he was planting the garden for her...and for me.