Saturday, April 28, 2012


There are so many blessings that Patrick and I find in the day when CHARLOTTE left this earth.  For starters, we were together for the first time in almost a month.  You see, we'd perfected 'crossing in the night' as I called it.  Daddy was either working or with Charlotte or Patrick while I was always with the other baby.  It wasn't until that fateful Wednesday which we were actually together with Charlotte at the hospital.  Blessing number one.  Number 2, was that our Sweet Charlotte drew her last breath with us by her side.  And as much of a rug-pulled-out-from-under-you type of situation that her exit was, we are comforted knowing that she was healthy.  She was ready to go home.  We weren't busy chasing her life down like we had on so many other days.  Rather, she was perfectly poised, coiffed and ready to leave, with her "healthy" heart.  It's just a different homecoming than we had imagined.  This third reason gives us peace most of all - the fact that her heart just stopped after having given no warning.  In reviewing her vitals from the day, it showed not one single stitch of anything amiss.  Nada.  Zilch.  Zero.  It was as if God simply declared it as being "time."  And that's just what He did.  No warning but just about 4 to 5 seconds from when her heart was beating to when it stopped. 

It was only a couple of days later that I realized that she had drawn her last breath with her Daddy and I by her side.  Granted, she left this earth hearing her Mommy "calling" for help but I think that only added to her peace, as she had grown accustomed to my "encouraging" over her short life.  

Naturally, the medical team afforded Charlotte with every opportunity as they hurriedly executed every. last. detail. of her life-saving efforts.  It was like an orchestra performing - hitting every note just perfectly - and yet, it was God's orchestration that they were following.  With every effort, though,  (medicines, chest compressions and the final attempt at saving Charlotte, ECMO) the door was always closed.  It was not in His plan.  So later when I asked what time did she leave this earth, it was answered "officially" at 7:03 pm, although we all knew she died an hour before.

I will never forget the compassion shown that night to my my husband.  We had never actually gotten to hold our sweet and precious baby without her being hooked up to some IV line, sensor, tube or cuff.  And as bittersweet as it was, we finally had the opportunity that night thanks to the heart of Dr. Mendeloff.  An effort not many would have gone as far to do.  He has always been at the top of our list for being Dr. Wonderful, so this only further solidifies his title.  Additionally, the team of individuals at Medical City who we'd grown to know and love, offered such support.  Through their presence to their words, hugs and tears of love for Charlotte to their unmatched talent.  Everyone should be as blessed with a group like this in their corner.

I'm sure that with time I will learn how to mesh my two worlds into one and learn to be my happy, naturally caffeinated self while still missing my Charlotte.  And I imagine that not a day will pass on this side of heaven when I won't think about her.  She has touched the lives of many, but mainly mine.  I'm not sure exactly how I'll honor her justly but I hope that she is proud because simply put, she is something AMAZING.

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