DAY 5: GOLD STAR

I am the proud recipient of a gold star which I got because of Baby Girl's good behavior.  (She must have learned from me!)  When we had the sono, the good news was shared that her amniotic fluid had INCREASED again to a 9.39!  And this time, all on it's own.  I'm sure bed rest has had a tiny something to do with it, but I'm encouraged as it was without IV fluids.  What a true gift for us on this very special day.

Our little sweetheart even showed off some of her southern charm as she had her ankles crossed.  Naturally I was proud of her ladylike ways but knowing that it's an indication as to good muscle tone, I was even happier.  She is still a busy body like her Mommy and must be picking up my slack, as she is moving double time in there.  Fine by me.

The sonograms will now happen each Tuesday and Friday.  I'm on a new schedule.  Fortunately for reporting sake, I will have them between 7 and 730 am, so we will hopefully kick off our days with good news.  

Even more good news is that although we see her cardiologist everyday, it's only for 'social purposes' as I like to say.  I won't have another echo until the week after next, since the baby is showing no sign of distress and her heart continues to look great (no changes) on the sonos.  

It's moments like these which make up my day and remind me that God is speaking.  I just need to be patient and listen.

He has made everything beautiful in its time.

Ecclesiastes 3:11

DAY 4: WAITING

I've always considered myself to be more of an impatient person than not.  Don't get me wrong, I have plenty of patience, but let's just say that I could always learn to have more!  Thanks to our situation and all that is offers, I am certainly perfecting the art of patience.  From the very beginning of this pregnancy, we've had to wait for test results, markers to be met or just for our sweet little one to grow.  And, now, waiting has turned into a full-time job.  But thanks to God's grace, I have never been more patient when it comes to this baby.  Other things, not so much, but when it comes to her I wait with a peaceful heart.

I've met with my OB and the baby's cardiologist today.  Things are good.  They more or less come by to say hi at this point.  The good news is that Baby Girl's non-stress tests continue to be the bright spots of each day, as she is showing no signs of distress in there.  As for my "Thursday sonogram," more waiting.  Dr. Weiss is out of town and the on-call doctor hasn't come yet.  

To help pass the time yesterday, Howie the therapy dog stopped by my room.  Little Patrick was here and LOVED showing off his 'gentle petting skills' which made this Mommy proud.  I'm glad that I got to touch a furry friend because I certainly miss mine.  Thank goodness for FaceTime.  

Over the past couple of days, I have been reminded of the goodness that God is capable of through friends and family like each of you.   Thank you for your continued prayers - I am humbled that you pray for our family each day as God brings us to your mind.  Thank you for encouraging us through what HE is telling you.  It's always just what we need to hear.

Be still and know that I am God.

Psalm 46:10

DAY 3: BABY STEPS

As we shuffle along, it's hard when there seem to be no 'answers.'  There are, however, pieces of good news sprinkled throughout and one is that our sweet baby seems to be holding steady.  Her non stress tests continue to show that she is doing well, despite the low fluid.  As long as this is the norm, then she can stay put.  We will continue to pray that this is so.

Another bright spot is that my "IV therapy" is coming to a halt today!  For many reasons, I am thankful, and selfishly I am for the tiniest bit of freedom which I will regain.  Baby steps, I know but certainly worth being thankful.  

Tomorrow we will have another sono but for now, it's back to diligently resting.

An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up.

Proverbs 12:25   

DAY 2: CAPTIVE

I survived my first night being held captive on hospital bedrest.  Possibly being lost in the jungle would sound more appealing than being trapped in a hospital bed.  Although I do get to spice things up and sit on the couch every once in awhile which is an added bonus.

Bright and early this morning, I had a visit from Dr. Weiss (maternal fetal medicine specialist.)  I also had another sono to check on baby's fluid.  A huge praise is that the fluid had gone up to an 8.5 from 4.5 yesterday although I am still on IV hydration for awhile.  Since the baby is a "responder," I'm trying my best not to complain but go right ahead to assume what an INCONVENIENCE it is.  ahem.

Next on deck was a visit from my day nurse and a quick 30 minute listen to the baby's heart rate.  She sounds great.  My next test will be late afternoon.  These are important tests because they are the eyes and ears which judge how happy she is in there.  If she is under any stress at all, her heart rate will tell us and then action can be taken.  Because her fluid is still so low, it's not the most ideal situation for her in there but it's CERTAINLY better than be delivered now.

When Dr. Oliver (OB) came, he talked about my duration here being a day by day process with our punctuation days being Monday and Thursday when I have scheduled sonos.  Those will be the decision days provided baby continues to do well by passing her NST (non stress tests) twice daily.  If she shows any sign of distress during those tests, obviously I will have another sonogram to determine what is going on and asses the risk/make a decision on how to proceed.  It's still unknown what is causing the low fluid - most likely it's either her heart or placenta and if either get bad enough, she will make her debut.  However, right now she is going to sit tight in there and GROW.  We need her bigger, stronger and able to have surgery once she's born.

Thank you to everyone for your continued prayers and support.  

BIGGER CHANGES

The good news is I got two new bracelets today.  The bad news is that they aren't Cartier, rather plastic admin wrist bands which were handed to me when I was admitted to the hospital.  I am officially on bed rest until our sweet baby is born.  Needless to say, this afternoon hasn't been an easy one. 

When my husband and I went to the sonogram today, I didn't expect to hear that the amniotic fluid level had dropped, let alone to the 4.5 level that it is now.  In my heart, I believed that it was simply a case of an over-active 8 month preggers mommy with a toddler at home.  Unfortunately, something bigger, something uglier is the culprit and has yet to show itself.  In our baby's case, this only increases the risk of her already high risk state.  It's a day by day process now and the goal is to keep me preggers as long as possible until the 37 week mark.  Our February 14th c-section date is now long gone.  37 is the magic number, despite it leaving me confined to a hospital bed. If the risk of her being in my belly becomes greater than the risk of her being delivered early (however unimaginable that may seem), then she will be delivered.  She's being closely monitored twice daily with non stress tests which monitor her heart rate and twice weekly sonos.  She's passed her now 3 non stress tests today and hopefully I can be taken off IV hydration soon.  

I'll be updating much more frequently now.  Hopefully with good news but if it's not, don't forget that God's plan is a perfect one.  He is in control and He is good.  I trust you, God.  I do.

CHANGE

2 weeks ago, I 'rounded' with the menagerie...and everything looked great.  Music to our ears.  With the exception of my now weekly sonos, life has been trucking along as normal.  Although our baby's condition is not miraculously improving, it's certainly not deteriorating and this is the best news of all.  So when I dragged my mother to the sonogram yesterday instead of my usual companion, I thought it would be much of the same but I was terribly wrong.  The amniotic fluid has seriously decreased and is now at a very low level of 8.  To put it in perspective, it should be at around a 17 and my doctor said that if it were to get to a 5, he would have to deliver the baby.  Once I wrapped my brain around that, I realized that it's a much more serious situation than I thought.  See, I've always been one to think positively - so much so, that even when facing a very serious situation like our daughter's, somehow everything would turn out okay.  That she would get through her surgeries and progress through life with nothing more than sporadic appointments to check on her heart's function.  That her life - and ours - would assume a 'normal' feel.  Yes, it may turn out just like that...or it may not.  Nonetheless, yesterday's 'diagnosis' was not at all expected but I guess that's the nature of the game now.

Because of the low amniotic fluid, I am officially on bedrest.  Yippee!  Let's all shout for joy!  Although despite my very long list of things to do from my bed or couch, I am having a hard time being excited.  I'm prepared to not get to do the usual 'mommy duties' with Patrick Jr. once the new baby arrives, but I'm not prepared to give them up now.  It's the whole reason that I stay home: to be a mother.  To mommy my baby.  Some people have huge dreams of ruling the world corporately and others, like me, have huge dreams to mother her babies.  By being given the gift of staying home full time with my son, I have tasted the good life that I've always dreamed of.  I know that everything will change once we welcome Baby Girl and that's okay.  I just wish that I could still squeeze as much time being Mommy to Patrick in my usual fashion before she's born.  That's all.

This is more than "just bedrest."  One possibility is that her kidneys are beginning to fail - a sign that her body is shutting down because it can't support life.  Or that they are other big issues like with her placenta or heart.  Because of the nature of her situation - her high risk - words like "death" and "shutting down" are not necessarily uncommon to hear in conversations with my doctors.  Fortunately, they are very down to earth and don't exaggerate the situation.  For now, though, I'm able to navigate between bed to bathroom, couch to bathroom or couch to bed until my next sonogram on Monday.  We'll reassess the level of amniotic fluid and go from there.  My prayer is that it has bounced back and our sweet baby can have more time to float around in a space where her body knows no hardship, no pain, no struggle.

HAS THERE BEEN A MIRACLE YET?

Right now I'm listening to my 20 month old babble to his mobile (yes, he still has one in his crib!) while I contemplate exactly what to type today.  The last 2 days have hosted our routine visits with our docs.  It's refreshing to share that we have had great visits.  During my ultrasound, I said this to Dr. Weiss and he paused as if confused that I was so upbeat and then agreed.  Yes, our daughter has one of the most severe heart defects to date, however outside of this, everything else is great.  God is good.  

We kicked off our visits with Dr. Laird, the pedi cardi.  She said that the right side of the baby's heart is developing as it should, as well as the aortic and mitric valves (which control bloodflow) - all HUGE praises.  Remember, if any of those take a turn for the worse, our baby will have a very grim prognosis.  Too, there is no sign of leaky valves or fluid build-up in the heart which is another HUGE praise.  Her lungs look great and thanks to Dr. Weiss' ultrasound report yesterday, so do the rest of her organs.  She is measuring right on target for 26 weeks and is still proving to be very active.  You should probably start referring to me as Dr. McKittrick because I could have told you that. 

I also managed to successfully endure the glucose test.  Although I don't have gestational diabetes, my biggest stress was that I couldn't eat or drink before the test.  Hello.  Have you met me before, Dr. Oliver?  I don't miss meals, even when I'm not preggers.  Add in feeding my toddler breakfast and administering snacks all morning, and it makes for an almost very cranky mommy.  Thankfully, I was able to have my tall half caff soy latte and Kashi bar by 10.  I've lived to tell about it...again.

Specific prayer requests are...

-that her organs continue to develop as they should, especially the right ventricle of her heart and of course, her lungs.

-that her mitric and aortic valves continue to develop and don't start to leak or for fluid to build-up anywhere in the heart.

-that she may continue to be happy in my belly until 39 weeks!  no early arrival please!

Another specific prayer is to the memory of Blessed Pope John Paul II.  After his death, it was declared by the Vatican that a French nun's neurological disorder had been miraculously cured after she prayed to the memory of John Paul.  Vatican policy requires that a miracle, usually an unexplained healing, be officially attributed to the intervention of a deceased person before he can be beatified (recognition of the deceased person's entrance into Heaven and capacity to intercede on behalf of individuals who pray in his name.)   A second miracle is required for the final step to sainthood, which is canonization.  So if you feel so moved, please pray that Pope John Paul II intercedes and heals my precious baby.  Pray that her heart is restored to health.  During the echo, I asked Dr. Laird, "has there been a miracle yet?"  Although not this time, it may be the next.  Please pray.